When we went up to Calgary on the 17th for our first ultra sound we had no worries. We were excited and ready to see this little baby for the first time. I couldn't wait to find out the gender of the baby, and it felt so good to be going to Calgary with no concerns this time. No fears of the future. Like we had each and every ultra sound with Champ. Unfortunately, the excitement and calmness didn't last long as we discovered that our baby is in big trouble. I am 20 weeks and 2 days, and I'm measuring about 15 weeks or so. We thought that perhaps the due date could be off, but they found a lot of problems that would indicate otherwise. Our little baby is not growing. I have little to no amniotic fluid, and that's the main problem. At this point they cannot pin point why it's not growing. It can be 1 of 2 things. 1 it has a genetic abnormality, or 2 the lack of amniotic fluid is hindering it's growth. Either one is bad, Either one can't be fixed. They basically told us that at this point I have a high risk of a still born baby, and if it does survive that it will be severely handicapped in some way.
The room was spinning, just like before...all the feelings that we had the first time around came spilling out from every part of me. I felt, smelled, tasted the exact emotions that came the day they told us our little baby boy had no brain.
I don't know exactly what we are to learn from all this. I look back through what we went through the first time, and I do know that my testimony has grown immensely. I know that faith does proceed miracles, and that we witnessed a modern day miracle that I will be forever grateful for. A miracle that I kiss and squeeze everyday, realizing that I am so lucky to have. He has made this journey a little easier to bare, and I am so thankful for that. I am also especially grateful for a husband who shows so much strength always. He is my rock. And I have felt many times that we can get through anything together.
So far now it's a waiting game. We will wait, pray hold on to each other for strength and know that we will be taken care of, whatever the out come.
A hymn has been in my thoughts over and over this past week.
"I will not doubt, I will not fear; God's love and strength are always near. His promised gifts help me to find an inner strength and peace of mind. I give the Father willingly My trust, my prayers, humility. His spirit guides; his love assures That fear departs when faith endures."
That truly is my testimony.
Thank you, thank you, to everyone who has been so full of love and support to us. Our friends and family are the best. And we are so blessed to know you all.
With Love, Alisha
9 comments:
Alisha, you are an inspiration to me! My eyes are brimmed with tears and yet my heart is warmed by your deep faith and trust in the Lord. Today as we knelt for family prayer, my Emma said...."We can't forget to pray for Sista Petison, for her baby, we just have too!" And a little child shall lead them!
Your blog is so cute, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL!
I have been thinking about you guys nonstop since I saw you last week. We are praying for you. Keep us updated so we know what to pray for. Love you!
Alisha, I cried when I read this post. I'm so sorry that this happening again. You, the baby, and your family will be in our prayers. Your strength and faith through trials is an inspiration! You are a great example to me.
wow. that is so scary and intense and unimaginable, and my heart goes out to you guys! i never knew about your scares with champ but what a blessing he is :) such a great song to have in your head, and with that faith and your strength and with the support of a loving Heavenly Father who has a plan of happiness for you, you'll get through! you guys are in our prayers along with cute baby #2!
Wish so badly I was there to give you a hug.
hey girl, you know how much we love you guys and are praying for another miracle.Seriously you give me so much strength and i am so grateful for you.I LOVED that hymn you quoted, awesome, what hym is that?? I need the title.
I loved seeing you while i've been here and can't wait to move back to spend more time together.
I am thinking of you..
love ya
Oh Alisha. I am so sorry that you are having to go through all of this again. Little Champ means there is hope. We will certainly include you and Ryan in our prayers. It was so good to hear from you!
Lish, I am so impressed with your grace and openness during such an unthinkable trial. You are in our thoughts and prayers and I know that whatever the outcome for your little baby you will be blessed and make it through the refiners fire.
Lots of love.
Alisha I am so sorry that you guys are having to go through this. You are in our prayers.
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